At odds

Lately there have been two cliches at odds with each other in my brain.

Knowledge is power.

and

Ignorance is bliss.

The struggle is to find out which is true. :::sigh:::

I'm pretty sure that in the situation I'm facing, I should put my money on the first one, but power scares me. I'm such a wimp when it comes to things like this. Somehow, I have to find my inner lioness. Someone want to cheer me on?

Pic005

Pic005
Originally uploaded by HeartSingr.

My wonderful, fabulous husband gave me a digital camera for Christmas. :-)

It's been so long since I've had a toy to play with on Christmas morning...
I've been having so much fun!

The kids were kind and let us sleep until 7am. They are now watching "Madagascar" in the daughter's room. The husband is playing with his new computer game on the PC, and I'm having fun on the laptop. The dog is snoring on the chair beside me...I think she's exhausted from running away from the Robosapien. Poor doggy.

We're not due to go to the family get together until around 4:00, so I get to play some more! After the chaos of the last few months, it is so nice to have a peaceful holiday.

:::Lifting eggnog:::

Merry Christmas everyone!

Postscript to the previous post

Oh, and all the Christmas gifts we bought for tomorrow were paid for with cash. I'm entering the new year with no worries about credit card bills.

This is a massive accomplishment for us, btw. Five years ago, our credit card debt was almost $8,000. It feels like an incredible load has been lifted off of me.

Merry Christmas to me....

Early this morning I wrote a check that made me very happy. I am now officially, totally free of all credit card debt. This is the best Christmas gift I could ever give myself.

:-D

Random Stuff

• I've included an email link in the sidebar of this blog. Thanks to FFP, I know how to do that now. :-)
• Rain in Wisconsin in December when it's 30 degrees generally means ice. Ugh. I'd rather have snow.
• I went to a children's Christmas party at a brewery the other day. There was milk, cookies and cider, but no beer. What's up with that? Oh, never mind. :-P
• I babysat a friend's four children the other day. The oldest is in kindergarten. The youngest is 8 months old. I will never do that again. Oh, and yes, peanut butter does come out of the carpet. It's the jelly you have to worry about.
• FYI to anyone buying a Robosapien as a Christmas gift this year. Don't forget the batteries. All fifty million of them. If I buy some Duracel stock, do you think they'll give me a discount?
• And now, the good news. I have a job. I'm joining the lovely world of retail. Oh joy. At least it will pay the bills.

No Class

During the past few days, I've been going through that rite of passage that all parents of tweens and teens go through....the realization that I have no class. Apparently, I, as a mother, embarrass my children, simply by being around them. Now, as far as I can deduce in relation to the way my son feels, it has more to do with the simple fact that I am his mother than anything else. I guess mothers in general are simply not "cool". That is to say, his own mother lacks the "cool" factor. It's perfectly fine for his friend's mother to take a group of kids to the YMCA, but I don't need to come near the place. His father can help him pick out a new frame for his glasses, but I "don't know what boys like."

Now, as far as my daughter is concerned, it all comes down to the fact that I'm "more than twice her age" and I'm "completely out of the loop." I took her to the mall yesterday, but I was instructed not to come anywhere near any of the stores she likes because she and her friend wanted to shop alone. Well, that I can understand. There's only so much a mother is supposed to do for a 14 year old girl. I can give her money to spend, but I can't sit at the same table with her and her friends in the food court. I can buy her socks, but I can't buy her shirts because I moght buy the wrong thing and embarass her.

What I didn't know is that the no class thing has also extended to furniture. We moved here a couple of months ago, and we have discovered that we need to buy some new dressers for our bedrooms....especially E.'s bedroom. I thought she had gotten rid of a lot of her clothes before we moved, but last week when I went into her room (another offense, btw) to collect her dirty laundry, I discovered that her floor was almost entirely carpeted with her clothes. There were a few items in her hamper, but most of everything else was strewn around her room making it look like a department store after a hurricane.

I told her that we would shop for some new dressers, and left it at that. Today I was informed, however, that I have to let her pick out her own furniture because sher doesn't trust me to get something decent. She thinks that I will get something "white and ugly." Hmm. The thought hadn't occured to me, but since she mentioned it....

I'm being sarcastic about all this, really, but it surprises me that the time has come so soon when I must stay out of my kids' way. Where has the time gone? Have I stepped into some time machine, or has it really been 10 years since I held my infant son in my arms?

Part of me is proud of my children's independance and strength. In the past few months, they've had to leave comfortable and familiar surroundings and move to a new city. They've left behind lifelong friends and come to new schools and a new church. And they've done so well.

I guess I wasn't suspecting that the transition would also include what always happens when children grow up. They now have their own sense of style, their own comprehension of what makes their lives their own. I don't have control of that anymore.

Part of me is surprised, and yet sad. Part of me is proud, and yet offended that they think I'm not as good as I was before. But it's all a part of growing up. And I know that my mother felt the same way....she told me so today.

After all.....there is a time for everything.

A Walk in the Snow

I see the moon, the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree
Please let the moon that shines on me
Shine on the one I love....

I took a walk in the moonlight with my husband tonight. It's funny how the need to get some necessities at the drugstore can turn into something slightly romantic. The moon, the cold, our gloved hands clasped as we crunched through the snow made the mundaneness of the task seem special.

One of the quirks in my personality is that everything reminds me of a song. Tonight, I was reminded of something my parents used to sing to each other during lulls in conversation as our family would travel in the car. I have so many memories of them singing silly little songs....songs about grandfather's whiskers, Sammy's wallpaper, and Skinamarinky dinky dink.

But it was the one about the moon that came to mind tonight. Mom says that she sang it to herself when Dad was in the Air Force during WWII. She was a girl in Wisconsin, he a soldier in India, and each of them would look upon the moon as the years past during that war, and they would smile knowing that the light was watching over each of them while they were away from each other.

Of course, they were two of the lucky ones. She patiently waited for him, and he came home alive. And as the decades passed, the song was sung to each other even when they were face to face. It became the melody that somehow bound them to the past, and helped them look forward to the future. And, now, 60 years later, they still sing the same song.

As my husband and I walked together tonight, I sang the song to him. He gets embarassed when I do things like that, but it's a wife's duty to do that from time to time, I think. And I have a pleasant assurance that the love that my parents have and share is reflected in the moonlight, just as our love brightens the life we share. The same moon, the same song, the same kind of love.

Happy

Ayn tagged me to write about ten things that make me happy. It's nice to have this chance to keep my focus on good things, rather than the worries that have bothered me for the past few months. So, here they are in no particular order.

1. Hearing the lilt in my daughter's voice as she's telling me about a good day at school. This has been a worry lately, after uprooting her from Michigan and plopping her into my hometown. I think, though, most of the days are good days for her now.
2. My son's laugh as he pelts me with snowballs.
3. Hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows.
4. A really good gluten-free brownie.
5. Finding a good book....and then finding a quiet time and place to read it.
6. The smell of fresh coffee brewing.
7. Spending time with my family....laughing, making cookies and candy, enjoying each other....exactly what we did yesterday.
8. Helping other people.
9. Seeing my children helping each other.
10. My husband's smile.

I've been sitting here staring at the computer screen for a few minutes wondering what to write about. It's not as if there's nothing going on in my life right now. Believe me, there is, and maybe that's why I'm having a hard time focusing on just one thing.

For example, this is what I did yesterday:

1. Took hubby to work at 3:30am so I could have the car to take the kids to school. Actually, I've been doing this for the last 5 weeks. It's a real pain, but the school bus doesn't come very near our house and with us still new to the city, it was a bit intimidating for all of us to make the kids walk several blocks to a bus stop and then ride the bus to school. So, the solution is what it is.
2. Took the kids to school.
3. Spent some time online checking out job listings and such. Hubby doesn't like the 4am thing and wants to find something new.
4. Went to the Social Security Administration because I lost my SS card and needed to get a new one. That thing alone took an hour and a half. :::sigh:::
5. Came home and discovered a message from the son's school. He forgot his shoes because he had to wear his boots today. Snow! So, I had to take his shoes to him so he could participate in gym class.
6. Picked hubby up at work at 2pm.
7. Got some lunch at Wendy's.
8. Picked the kids up at their schools, and discovered the son's glasses were broken.
9. Went to Walmart (we purchased them at the Walmart in Michigan last year) to see if they could be repaired. They could not, so an appointment was made for the exam to get new glasses.
10. Went home, gathered a few things to take to the laundromat. That's right. We don't have a washer/dryer at home. Ugh.
11. Threw the things into a couple of washers and.....
12. Took the son to a pizza party.
13. Finished up the laundry and rushed home to be there when the son got home. Couldn't leave him out in the cold!
14. Crashed on the couch and surfed the 'net for awhile.
15. At 10pm, the noises in my stomach alerted me to the fact that I forgot to eat dinner. So ...
16. I made some popcorn,
17. And then went to bed.

I guess my brain is overloaded. I know that I need to find a job, just a part time job, because I want to take some college classes in January. At first we thought that I could just go to school full time, but with the hubby not happy with his current job, I don't really want to do that right now. I'm nervous about making such an important decision without at least one of us having a reliable job. So, I think I'll just start out taking a couple of classes.

The hubby and I worked for 17 years with the Salvation Army, and all we had as far as education goes were 2 year AA degrees. We very quickly learned that comparable positions in other companies/agencies require at least a bachelor's degree. It's a good thing that the SA gave us a nice little severance package to fall back on right now, because we are both finding it difficult to get hired based on the education we have. Seventeen years worth of good solid work experience is fabulous, but a degree helps quite a bit, especially during these times.

So, it's back to college we go.

I feel like I woke up after a 17 year nap, but I'm not any older, and there is my mother standing there asking, "Laurie, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Only the big difference between being 24 and being 41 when asked that question is that I now have two children to provide for.

There's an incredible feeling of liberation when you quit a job that you've had for so long. The future is there before you, and you can decide to do whatever you want to do. Coupled with that, though, are some bitter feelings about the circumstances that caused us to leave the job. But, we are making a brand new start. We can't turn back time.

What I can do is take everything one step at a time. Remember to breathe. Remember to smile, especially at the kids and the husband. Pray. Think wisely and make good decisions. Do nothing with too much haste. Love those around me.

Yes. I think I can do these things.

Brr!

Dang, it's cold! It's currently 8 degrees, and it's supposed to drop to 4 before the night is over. I've not lived in Wisconsin for almost 20 years, and I guess I've forgotten how cold it gets here. It's only supposed to get up to 14 tomorrow. Okay, someone in a nice warm place, please send some of it up here. For now, I'll just sip my hot chocolate. ::::shiver::::

It was my oldest sister's birthday today, so we (mom, dad, me, hubby, our kids, and sis's son and girlfriend) took her out to lunch. It was a happy time with laughter and love shared among us all. After the last couple of months it sure was nice to just relax with people we love and care about. Somehow the stress leaves, and is replaced by some warmer, fuzzier feelings.

After that, the kids went to my parents' house to help them set up their Christmas tree and decorate their house. It was the first time ever that my kids were able to do that with grandparents. What a special time for them! Mom dug into the box of old decorations and discovered handmade treasures that my brothers and sisters and I crafted. An wooden block painted with Santa's face that I made in 1972, a stuffed elf that sat on a piece of driftwood when I was young, a paper stocking decorated by my sister that also had on the back a list of spelling words written in her hand, some funny looking paper Santas that various children lovingly created with scissors, crayons and paint. All of them are memories cherished by all of us.

It's so good to be home.

Retail Therapy

I've decided that there really is something to this thing called "retail therapy", at least when the whole shopping experience goes well. For me, most of the time, shopping for clothes is a lesson in frustration. When you live in a small city in the mid-west, finding clothes that fit a short, fat woman is next to impossible. Tops, blouses, sweaters, t-shirts, and the like are found in abundance, skirts, pants, dresses, and such are also pretty easy to find these days....if the woman is 5'8" or taller.

The "petite" section in department stores should have in fine print on the signs "we mean short, skinny gals". I've decided that if it were possible for me to grow taller instead of wider I would have done that a long time ago. At 41, the only thing I'm going to do is shrink....in height, that is.

So, anyway, I took the daughter shopping last weekend. That's right. I was one of the crazy people that ventured out into the hell of retail-ity during the weekend after Thanksgiving. But, I told my daughter that I was not taking her anywhere on Black Friday. No, I was going to spend that morning drinking coffee and eating leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast. Instead, we went to the shopping centers on Saturday afternoon. I figured that all those $20 DVR players and $100 laptops would be gone, as well as whatever the hottest Barbie is this year, and we would at least be safe from that kind of craziness.

It was a wise decision. First, we went to Target. You see, the husband is an employee there now, so in addition to stuff being on sale, we get a 10% employee discount. Now, the daughter is a size 3 junior, so we had an abundance of stuff to choose from. The most difficult thing when shopping with her is helping her realize that I can't buy everything that she likes, and then after that realization sinks in, to get her to make a decision between the funky black boots with the zippers or the suede brown ones with tassels.

As she says "It's just too hard, Mom!". ::::sigh:::: After debating the usefulness of them both for 20 minutes, we left both pair on the shelf.

After spending two hours at Tarjay, we went to Kohls. Oh, I forgot to mention that my goal during the shopping experience was to find a couple of new pairs of jeans for me, me, me. Target had none, none, none. On to Kohls. They had nothing but a sweater that met with the daughter's approval, my quest for jeans was foiled again, but they did have shoes. Oh, did they have shoes. So many shoes that the daughter was in heaven. And her mother had a good time, too. I found two pairs of boots for only $10 each (neither of which had tassels) and E. found a pair of gym shoes that met with her approval. I also found a pair of Nikes for the son at $14.95.

At this point, I was fading fast and needed some energy boosting, so off we went to the food court at the mall. Pizza for the daughter, and Panda Express for me, and then we were off.

In Sears, I found a jacket and some slacks for me.

In Journeys, some more shoes for E.

In Aeropostale, we found a monkey sweatshirt and a t-shirt for the daughter. The t-shirt had this phrase on the front in glittery silver letters, "Boys are like a day off of school. NO CLASS".

:-)

In Marshall Field's we found a pair of Mudd jeans for E. with a hefty price tag of $8.85" I love clearance racks.

In all of these stores, I did not find one pair of jeans for a short, fat woman. I was honestly thinking of singing "To Dream the Impossible Dream" and go pick a fight with some windmills, when E. dragged me into one more store.

Could it be true? Is it possible? Is that a pair of size 20 "short" jeans I see before me? No, it's an entire pile of the buggers, and they were all 30% off! Oh joy!

At the end of the evening, we decided to celebrate our success by going to Barnes and Noble for books and coffee. A fine time was had by all. :-)

Yay!

I figured out how to do the links by myself. :-)

Now, to add more........

BTW, I'm kind of proud of myself. I'm not much of a techie, so this is quite an accomplishment. I think I'll eat some crumb cake. LOL

Links

Okay, so I've decided that a dark background works best for my vision issues. For those who don't know me, go here to find out more about keratoconus.

Now, I would like to put some links in my sidebar. Can someone help me with that? I don't know html at all.

Well, I'm feeling more at home here all the time. I just have to get a handle on some of the technical things. I think I'm going to like it here. :-)